Dear Diva

Dear Diva has taken a short leave of her Queenliness, and will be back with more advice in the next few weeks. If you'd like to see what she's been up to, visit The Awe Idas website or Point Thank You.

Dear Diva,

How do I tell my mother, and other well-meaning friends and relatives, that my weight is none of their business? I know they mean well (at least I think they do), but I'm tired of hearing about this new diet or that, or how they're concerned about my health, etc.

Granted, I'm a woman of true Diva proportions, but my blood pressure is fine, I can, and have, walked 5-8 miles in charity walks, and knock wood, aside from an occasional cold and a few allergies, am in perfect health.

How do I get the point across that, while I appreciate their concern, my body is my business?

Sincerely,

Queen-sized Queen

Dear Queenie,

Don't ya just love well-meaning friends and family, especially when the object of their well-meaning is your weight? I've been in a similar situation myself, and it's not an easy spot to be in. On the one hand, you fee like if you hear one more helpful suggestion, you could scream. On the other hand, you know that it's not meant to be upsetting or hurtful, and that chances are, if the person making the comment knew it bothered you, they'd be mortified.

You have a choice - either say something or suck it up. Obviously, since you're writing to the Diva, sucking it up is no longer an option. So, here's what I suggest: The next time such a comment is made, simply say, in as nice and non-confrontational a way possible, that, while you know they don't mean to hurt your feelings, comments like that upset you, and that it would mean a lot if they could avoid the subject in the future. If you say it nicely, and in a way that shows that you know they're not saying it to be cruel or hurtful, you should be fine!

Dragonfly Diva

Dear Diva,

If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!! I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

Travel back in time.

Rewind my life including my age back to 4.

Be able to remember what I know now so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with again after I go back.

I am in very great danger and need this immediately!

I am aware that there are many types of time travel, and that humans do not do well through certain types.

I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist. I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that.

If you can help me I will pay for your teleport or trip down here, Along with hotel stay, food and all expenses. I will pay top dollar for the equipment. Proof must be provided.

Please be advised that any temporal device that you may employ must account for X, Y, and Z coordinates as well as the temporal location. I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilitys and is useless without a vortex. If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator or where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals this would also be helpful.

Also if you are one of the very, very, few beings with the ability to edit the universe PLEASE REPLY!!!

Only if you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE) email to:

xxxx809@aol.com

Please do not reply if your an evil alien! Thanks

Dear Space Cadet,

While it is true that I am a Queen, I'm afraid that time travel is out of my realm. However, the blue glowing moon crystals sound like the ultimate in sparkly stuff. If you find them, be sure to send me a necklace and matching bracelet.

Dragonfly Diva

Dear Diva,

The other day I attended a luncheon hosted by a business acquaintance of mine. The guest speaker was fabulous and very Queenly. During the course of the luncheon, my business acquaintance introduced me to her. During the course of the introductions, I noticed that she had a rather large bit of "stuff" hanging out of her nose. Needless to say, it was very hard for me to pay attention to what she was saying, and to maintain eye contact.

If it had been one of my close friends, I would have had no hesitation about leaning over and whispering "you've got something hanging from your nose". However, I had only just met the woman in question. I didn't want to embarass her, but I felt badly about not telling her. Is there a Queenly way to handle such a situation, in case it ever happens again?

It's Not Me

Dear Snot,

Ahhh, the age-old "how do I tell her she's got a booger hanging out of their nose" question! With friends, it's not usually an issue. In most cases, a simple "you've got a snot hanging" does the trick. However, with strangers it's a sticky situation. You might try blowing your own nose, and hoping she gets the hint, but that usually doesn't work, and all you end up with is a chapped nose. You might also do as my sister's friend does, and try telling her that she's got a little green car in the garage, but she might not realize that the car in question is a booger, and not a Bug.

No, I think the best bet would be to do as you would have done to you. You know you sure as heck wouldn't wanna be walkin' around all day with a greener in plain sight on your face, just because nobody wanted to embarass you, now would you? My advice is to very discreetly whisper "You've got something on your nose" in her ear, and hand her a tissue if she needs one.

Dragonfly Diva

Dear Diva,

My fiancé and I have been together for 6 months. In that time, he has had 3 jobs, and has been unemployed for the past month. He says it's because of the economy, but truth is, he ain't exactly bustin' his butt to find another job. He says he's looking for work, but that most jobs out there require a car to get to, and his is falling apart. I don't think he's been on more than 3 or 4 interviews, if that many.

The other day, he asked me to co-sign a car loan for him so that he can get a good used car, so that he can have a better chance of getting a job. While I'd like to help him get back on his feet, I'm not sure this is a good idea. What do you think I should do?

Signed,

Queen in a Quandary

Dear Quandered Queen,

I think you should get rid of this poor excuse for a man, and get yourself another one. Like they say, there are other fish in the sea, and they are making new ones everyday.

Unless you want to be paying for this lazy no-good loser's wheels (which he'll probably be drivin' some tramp around in once you agree to sign your name on the dotted line) for the next several years of your life, I'd tell him to hit the road, Jack and find his sorry ass a job!

Dragonfly Diva

Welcome to Dear Diva, the new Queenly advice column. If you're not sure what being Queenly is all about, or what in Sam Hill a Sweet Potato Queen is, by all means, rush over to my website and the official Sweet Potato Queens site to find out!

If you already know all about the Sweet Potato Queens, and have a question that you'd like me to answer here, just send me an e-mail with your question, nickname you'd like used if your question gets published, and your city/state/country. (Please note: Silly questions are fine, but e-mails containing pornographic, harassing, or offensive material will not be published.)